Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
