im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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