I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
