his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize