I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
