And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
