For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
