dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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