There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
