I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
