Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
