If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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