I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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