HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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