How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
