Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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