I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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