he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
