totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
