I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
