How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
