Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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