I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we made out on top of his cat.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
