theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
