You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm eating all of the evidence.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
