he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
