Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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