You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
