so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
