Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
