Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
