I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
