Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
