I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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