I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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