first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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