Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
