your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
