omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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