If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
