i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
