I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
