Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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