Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
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my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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