Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
