Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
