I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
