Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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