literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
