When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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