I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
