I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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