plz talk dirty to me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Can I color on your dick again?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
