So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
