my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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