New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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