D3 body, D1 cock
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
