how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
