SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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