we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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