The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
