Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
