I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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