You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
