I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
