we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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