Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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