I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
