I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
