Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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