The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This house was built for laser tag.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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