just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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