Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
